The teenage brain is different. We know this is NOT news to parents of teenagers. However, by understanding how your teenager’s brain is “wired,” you can give better guidance as a parent, which will directly impact how your teenager reacts to everyday events in life. Teenage anxiety is indeed on the rise, and once you understand how the teenage brain differs, you’ll see instantly how our modern environment negatively impacts an otherwise natural process that has allowed humans to survive. Our big brains are the reason that we’ve evolved to become the internet-cruising, airplane-flying, stressed-out species it has become. We’ll look at how a teenage brain works and why that directly impacts anxiety levels, and give you tools you can use to counteract this process.
What Happened to My Sweet Child?
First, the hormonal influx starting in pre-teen years begins to impact a teenager’s behavior. Not EVERYTHING is hormonal, but hormones can explain a lot. The boost of estrogen and progesterone tends to make girls emotional and sensitive about certain topics. Sometimes this sensitivity comes across as passionate—SO passionate, it becomes a debate. For boys, the spike in testosterone can create a desire for alpha male status, manifesting in a tendency to question anything to do with rules or authority. Either way, parents are butting heads with their kids. Lovely, right? It gets better.
At about the same time as the hormone invasion, teenagers begin to experience individuation, a normal stage of development where teenagers come into their own. Social peer connections become top priority—not parents. Teenagers feel more at home with their peers, who are going through the same changes, and who don’t tell them what to do and don’t expect obedience. As a parent, it might make you feel sad that you’re not connecting with your child; you might be wondering what you’re doing wrong. But think back to your child at two or three years old. “Mama, I do it! I do it!” Well, now fast-forward 10 years and the kid is talking (taunting?) back! “I got it, Mom. I got it. You don’t understand…you didn’t deal with this back in the 80s and 90s.” It’s just another developmental milestone, albeit one that makes you feel annoyed and ancient.
Note, teenagers will probably only have the courage to speak their mind at home. Your child’s teacher will compliment you on your attentive, helpful kid while you’re wondering who she’s referring to. Guess what, it’s because teenagers feel comfortable and SAFE at home, which means you’re doing your job. They’re not REALLY ready to face the world…yet.
Teenage Brain Development
The prefrontal cortex of the brain is responsible for goal setting, problem solving and analyzing. It’s the stop-and-think station of the brain that gives us the ability to zoom out and see the bigger picture. A teenager’s prefrontal cortex has not yet fully developed; therefore, they tend to act without thinking things through and take more risks than adults. They will think about their results and the good or bad consequences later. Our world today is arguably more complex than ever, which creates worry and anxiety. A teenage brain is already hindered by an underdeveloped prefrontal cortex. Add in all the things in life that are invading their brains, and it’s no wonder they can’t seem catch up.
Teenage Brains Contend with More
The parts of the brain that teenagers naturally rely on more (due to our ingrained survival instincts) are the hippocampus and amygdala. These central parts of the brain ascertain whether we feel safe and decide to go into “fight or flight” mode. These primal parts of the brain are not for thinking things through, they are for identifying danger. Social media only makes this situation worse. When we were in school, we could just go home and play. Today’s kids can’t leave their day behind; both the bully in the cafeteria and the humiliation of the day can follow them home via smartphone. As mentioned, teenagers are already on hyper-alert when it comes to fitting in with their peers. They constantly compare themselves to the highlight reels (read: warped sense of reality) of others.
Much of what younger people perceive as danger is not a life-or-death situation. For girls, it’s: “She doesn’t like me. What am I going to do? I wish I had her nose. Maybe should I get Botox.” For boys, it’s: “When am I going to hit my growth spurt? These guys in middle school look like men. Am I going to make the team? Am I good enough?” Those thoughts stir up the fight-or-flight response and elevate cortisol levels.
So the brain is doing what it’s supposed to do, except that the amygdala and hippocampus are not thinking anything through. That’s a job for the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that that helps decrease anxiety by zooming out and looking at the bigger picture. And teenagers just don’t have that capability. They keep getting stimulated by their environment and social media, which hammer on anxiety-producing issues. Teenagers absolutely don’t get a break. We wrote an entire article about Our Brains on Social Media here.
Teenagers Facing the World Today
Back when humans were mostly tribal creatures, this coming of age happened just as it does today with the same trifecta of hormones, individuation and prefrontal cortex insufficiency. But the world was a LOT LESS complex! This process is evolutionarily, biologically natural! But it seems that we have “evolved” culturally past our body’s ability to evolve, on many fronts. For example, our bodies were not meant to sit at desks all day, soak up LED light or eat nutrient-deficient, processed foods. But that’s what we do. We don’t live very balanced lives overall, and this takes a toll on the body’s ability to self-regulate.
From a physiological level, our bodies are assaulted by various stresses and toxins. This affects the nervous system, hormone production and more. Basically, a cascade of consequences ensues. Mentally and emotionally, as we’ve mentioned, our society is much more complex to navigate than it was only 30 or 40 years ago, never mind the millennia over which our bodies adapted perfectly, allowing our species to survive.
Our brains have evolved to create anxiety in our bodies to help us survive. However, because of our environment (a constant stream of news and information, social media, etc.), the anxiety never gets turned off. This creates many of the health problems we have today, especially mental health problems. And this is why anxiety rates in teens (all of us, really) is going through the roof!
3 Tools to Help Parent Teenagers
Modernity is not all bad; kids aren’t required to develop survival skills so early. They don’t move out on their own and have families at age 16 anymore. But the human instinct is still there to grow and develop into their own self-sufficient person, albeit into a more complex world. This is where parents feel conflicted. Parents are first coaches and then cheerleaders. Coaching diminishes as teenagers are allowed to decide their own plays, and parents must switch to cheerleading on the sidelines. It’s a challenge to know exactly when to let teenagers learn from their own mistakes. It’s a hard transition because parents are coaches—deciding all the plays—for a very long time. A good rule of thumb is continuing to coach when your teen or young adult welcomes your support. Take heart and try not to feel sad; even adult children will ask their parents for advice!
Learn how to “read the room” with teens.
Don’t jump into the “How was your day?” conversation as soon your teens get out of school. They’re not rejecting you if they’re quiet and scrolling through their phone as you’re trying to interact. Don’t take it personally. Let them decompress from a long day of interacting with students and teachers. Just tell them you’ll check in on them in 15 minutes.
Delay and limit social media app access.
First, the data is in, and it shows that smartphones and social media apps are taking a toll on the mental health of children and teens. It’s up to you as a parent and the social pressure is immense to allow access to technology, but we would be remiss if we didn’t alert you. Here is a jaw-dropping segment about smartphone addiction, presented at the Alliance for Responsible Citizenship (ARC) last year.
When teen brains are spiraling from gobs of information being hurled at them or you think a social media “fast” is needed, encourage (insist?) your teens uninstall their social media apps on their phone for at least a week. They’re not deactivating their accounts, but rather limiting quick access and cutting the dopamine fix they get from seeing notifications ping on the phone. Gauge whether your teen feels less of a burden and see if they’re willing to extend the time. It takes a good three weeks for a habit to form, but that’s overwhelming to consider at first. (Just like when you try a new diet or exercise routine…but you can do anything for a week!)
Give your teens this article to read.
They’re old enough to handle the basic biological facts and it might help them make sense of their feelings so that you can communicate more fluidly about all the pressures they’re undergoing at this age.
Helpful Tips for the Teenage Brain & Anxiety Prevention
Here are some techniques that anybody can use to help prevent or calm anxiety once it strikes.
The body scan.
This method involves scanning your own body from head to toe, to see where you feel the effects of anxiety. You ask yourself, “Where do I feel the anxiety living? Am I having racing thoughts? Are my cheeks flushed? Is my breath shallow? Is my heart racing? Do I have butterflies in my stomach? Do I feel like I have to use the bathroom? Are my legs tingly or feet sweaty?” This is a quick check-in with yourself to become self-aware of anxiety. If teens can practice being aware of their own anxiety, they can feel more in control of themselves and perhaps be able to verbalize it to their parents, teachers or mental health professionals.
Grounding techniques.
This method has you checking in with your senses and can be done anywhere, even in a classroom. All you have to do is ask yourself, “What do I see? I see a chair. What do I hear? I hear a chair being pulled out. What do I feel? I feel the paper on my desk. What do I smell? My neighbor’s cologne. What do I taste? My minty toothpaste.” Grounding is not a way to get rid of anxiety. Rather, it encourages being in the moment—in the “here and now.” Grounding calms the brain enough to allow the vagus nerve to help bring the body’s systems to a place of balance. This exercise forces us to think with our prefrontal cortex instead of being at the mercy of the reactionary amygdala. We’ve written a whole article on the importance of regulating the vagus nerve…read that here.
The finger-focus technique.
Put your finger out in front of you, not too far or too close, and focus on it. Take a deep breath. You see your finger clearly. Then, focus on an object beyond your finger. Now your finger looks blurry, and then the object behind it is clear. Do that back and forth for a couple of minutes. This exercise stimulates the vagus nerve, which helps decompress and de-stress the body. And you can do it anywhere.
Drawing or doodling.
Doodling or drawing can be a surprisingly effective way to manage stress and anxiety because it lets your mind take a break from whatever’s worrying you. It’s a simple, creative outlet that helps you focus on the present moment, almost like a form of meditation. Plus, it doesn’t have to be perfect—just the act of moving the pen around or coloring can feel soothing and help release built-up tension.
Writing.
Writing can be a great way to manage stress and anxiety because it helps you get your thoughts and feelings out, thus organizing them, which makes things feel less overwhelming. It also encourages you to reflect on what’s bothering you, which can help you spot negative thinking and deal with it. Plus, putting everything down on paper can feel like a release, bringing a sense of relief and calm.
Make a song playlist or work on a puzzle.
Engaging the left side of the brain gets us into critical thinking mode. Teaching teenagers to make a playlist helps them identify their mood (again, self-awareness is the first step to a solution) and think through what they’d like the listen to. They can match their mood or choose songs to change how they feel. Maybe if they’re feeling sad, they can find songs that will put more pep in their step. This gives them a feeling of control. Teenagers love music and this tip also hits the digital aspect of their world.
Alternatively, playing with games or puzzles on your phone gets your brain into a problem-solving mode, helping you suspend worry and focus on the here and now. When we’re thinking, we’re using our left brain and not feeling as much. This gives us a break from feeling. Focusing on any of these activities helps settle the emotions and stress response.
Stay in touch with friends.
No matter how big or how small the circle is, it’s irrelevant. It’s not about quantity, it’s about quality and staying connected. Commenting on each other’s social media profiles doesn’t count. Messaging directly, talking directly and meeting up either at lunch or after school are the kind of activities that are most helpful.
We hope that this article has helped you recognize that the normal physiological changes during the teen years, coupled with the unique challenges of our modern world is the reason teenage anxiety is on the rise. Our goal was to empower you with information you can use to help alleviate your teen’s anxiety, or at the very least, have an educated starting point to better communicate about your child’s health with a qualified mental health professional.
Special thanks to Diana Shaw, Ed.S, LMHC for her help with this article. Diana is a neighbor to CIPC and The Salt Room Longwood. Her practice, Chaos Solutions Counseling, LLC, is located in our building. She specializes in integrated wellness (mental, emotional, social, spiritual, intellectual and vocational). Diana helps her clients (ages 3 +) have a better understanding of themselves to better work through challenges such as anxiety, depression and grief. She joins them on their journey and teaches them techniques to add to their toolbox for life. Diana lives in the Orlando area with her husband and four daughters. Call 407-708-9012 for appointments. Follow her Facebook page here: https://www.facebook.com/ChaosSolutionsCounseling/
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